Not a good day...

I didn't have a very good day today.  It all started last night when I found out my friend had to put her chocolate lab down.  Woodrow.  He is actually a red lab.  When I saw him last he reminded me of my Sasha that I just recently put down.  Getting old and frail.  It's so hard to watch our babies get old and frail.  I do think we need them more than they need us.  Some of you may not know but I lost my 3 year old Yorkie, Sissy, to a coyote in the end of September and then at the beginning of December, I had to put my 14 year old Golden Retriever down.   

It's funny how you think you have things under control and then in a blink, the rug is pulled out from under you.  When I heard about Woodrow last night, it brought me to tears.  I knew what my dear friends were going through.  I knew there was nothing that was going to help them.  There were no words to make it better.  Then the silence hit me.  The silence of losing my two babies recently.  The silence is sometimes SO loud that it makes it hard to breathe.  Having to accept things that I  don't want to accept makes me feel like a two year old who isn't getting their way.  I want to throw myself on the floor and scream and cry. 

I carried these thought of Woodrow, Sasha and Sissy playing together at the rainbow bridge to bed with me.  I couldn't rest my mind for the life of me.  Two Tylenol PMs didn't work either.  I did not sleep.  Tossed and turned and turned and tossed.  One thing about me, I need my sleep.  I am cranky without it and I am so unproductive when I am tired.

This leads me to my eating today.  I didn't do my preparation on the weekend, shopping and cooking, like I normally do.  The weekend was filled with cleaning and organizing my house.  I felt so much better when that was done but never made it in the kitchen to prep for my week.  I had enought food in the fridge to make it through but there was nothing to just pull out and eat without preparation. 

I ate breakfast late this morning and didn't eat enough protein because I only had one egg at work.  Did I mention that the day prior my dad thought the eggs in the fridge at work were hard boiled so he broke them on the coffee cart?  Yes, so he left me with one egg.  I could have had a protein shake but instead made the one egg with broccoli and left over brown rice.  So I was supposed to eat my snack at 11am but I was doing personal training so I couldn't.  Then I had to run with Berta at 11:30am so I didn't want to eat right before I ran.  To be honest, I wanted to eat everything in site because I simply could not stop yawning.  I tried drinking more water but it wasn't a good water day.  

My 45 minute run on the treadmill turned into a 20 minute run and a 25 minute walk.  My legs did NOT want me to run.  My mind begged me to stop.  It just wasn't in me today.  After my run (or should I say walk), I took a red pepper and cut it up with tuna.  I was going to have it in a pita but I was simply too lazy and TIRED!!  

Being tired makes me feel fat.  Feeling fat makes me feel lazy.   Being tired makes me feel hungry and makes me want to eat anything that isn't tied down.  Being tired does not make for one happy j.  

I took a nap.  I did!  I had so much to finish at work but I locked the doors, came home and took a two hour nap.  What a difference that made! 

I went to Kroger and filled my cart with healthy, fresh fruits, veggies and toothpaste!  I came home and pulled all the goodies out of my cupboards and cleaned and organized it all.  I made a huge yummy salad with my freshly bought produce and for the first time in 24 hours, I felt better. 

Life is so full of ups and downs and sometimes we just need to ride the roller coaster out.  We are allowed our off days!  I think it is just so important not to let your off days ruin your eating and before you know it, you can't remember when you had a clean meal.   My friend shared this quote with me.  "Oh I've already ruined my good eating today.  I'll just eat crap."  Is like saying "I just dropped my phone on the floor.  I'll just smash it to bits!"  Don't you love that?! 

I wanted to eat crap today.  I'll be honest.  I almost blew it because I wasn't prepared and because I lost track of my "eating" time schedule.  Back to my three hour schedule tomorrow.  Time for bed!

In light and love,
j