Health advice #57- Don't get your fuel from the same place your car does. (taken from Food Rules by Michael Pollan)
As we close on another year, there is something I see more and more of and I am hoping this next year we can all work on it.
Self-Esteem. Self-hatred. Self-loathing.
There, I said it.
Why is it we are so loving and compassionate to others but so hateful to ourselves. Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Examples-
1. We overindulge then feel bloated and miserable and hate ourselves for not being able to stop- we know better but feel like we lack self control. We let this instance snowball into a week, a month, a year of instances because we feel we are weak. Self-Hatred
2. We cancel a get together because a) we are feeling fat and don't want our friend that we haven't seen for so long see us this way or b) we are so fat that we have nothing to wear. We put our sweats on and decide to stay home and gorge on ben and jerrys instead. Self-loathing
3. We look in magazines admiring the beautiful women in the advertisements on every other page. We wish we were as beautiful as them...as skinny....as happy..... We compare our worst qualities with their best qualities. There goes our self-esteem.
All those instances are examples of me. Yep at one time or another and more often than I would like to admit, that was me. I'm pretty sure some of you reading this can also see yourself in those words. We all do it. It has become socially acceptable to beat ourselves up. I would NEVER and let me repeat NEVER treat any of you in the same manor I treat myself sometimes.
I had a friend tell me she didn't think she was worthy of my friendship because she was overweight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was shocked to hear that! When I look at her, all I see is her beauty. She is so pretty and is always put together. She is kind and thoughtful and generous and an all around sweet person. Her weight didn't mean a thing to me. But to her, that was the only thing she saw.
Can you tell when I gain 5lbs? 10lbs? Maybe, maybe not, but I sure can feel every pound and I feel like when I walk into a room, my entire body is screaming, "look, look how much weight I have gained!" I have always hated my thighs. Just too jiggly, too thick and too much cellulite. I feel like my thighs define me. "Do you know J?!" "Oh yeah, you mean the girl with the red hair and big thighs?" Said no one EVER! My guess is that never happens but why do I allow it to happen in my mind?
There is not much I can do, it's genetics. My Mother was built the Same way and guess what? My daughter is too. She hates her thighs. I hate myself for allowing her to hear me be so hateful to my own body. What have I done?!
Someone told me once that I should not complain about my body because many woman wish they were my size. So does that mean I am not allowed my feelings? That hardly seems fair. I had a gal come to me once looking for a personal trainer. She was upset because of her belly pouch and wanted to get rid of it. She was all of 98 pounds and had a gorgeous body. She did not have a visible pouch but to her it was there. I had to recognize her feelings.
My low self esteem started as a young child. My Mother passed away when I was three and I had four brothers and my Dad to raise me. I had frizzy red hair, a string bean body, buck teeth and bad acne. Ahhh, the good ole days. We moved a lot or what seemed to be more than most people when I was young. I didn't make friends very easily because I was painfully shy. In grade school and middle school, I was made fun of not only because of my red hair but because I always stood by the underdog. I felt so sorry for the kids that were picked on because I knew how it felt. I never felt adequate and good enough. I was very skinny until I hit the age of 14. Hello puberty and hello hips. High school wasn't as bad as grade school and middle school but my shyness and quiet nature was misunderstood by many for being conceited. It's amazing how just those years can shape us into who we become. I am so thankful that I didn't have to grow up in this day and age. I know what I went through was nothing compared to what some go through now.
Honestly though, all of that is in the past and it is what it is. We all have a story, one that shapes and defines us. I'm not whining or complaining just sharing my story.
I kind of got off on a tangit here but the moral of my story is, be kind to not only others this year but to yourself. We are only human. We are allowed flaws, it's what makes us so special! We have so much to offer each other that does not involve the size of our thighs. We are wonderful beings that do not deserve to be picked apart by ourselves.
Happy New Year Friends.
Here are today's stats!
1. Read the Daily Proclamation aloud each morning and night. done- Really trying to slow down in the morning and read every word. Done
2. Compliment someone each day and say nothing negative about anyone. I had my carpets cleaned in my house last week and in my business today. My friend owns the company and I complimented him on his good work and his awesome employees. He started his business from the ground up and he has done a wonderful job. Quality Carpet Care if you need some cleaning!!
3. Stop eating BEFORE you are full - no problem- Follow the special body cleansing program- I am eating a vegan diet. I am only allowed to steam my food. No cooking on the stove or microwave. I did great on my eating today. I went to Enzo's for dinner and I had a salad. I absolutely lOVE their bread and olive oil but I did not indulge.
4. Do not get angry, curse or complain. Do not gossip about anyone- Did not curse or complain today. I have to say the hardest part of this challenge in not to gossip. It's not that I am going around talking about everyone but it's amazing how much in discussions, other people come up. I can't TALK about anyone. I have found myself starting to say stuff then stop and say "oh I can't gossip." Just try it. Rough.
5. Give someone something material each day.- I wasn't going to go into detail about the gifts but I have changed my mind on that. Hey it's my blog, I can change my mind anytime....so anyway....I want to show how easy it is to make someones day with so little! I went to the movies tonight and watched This is 40. It was hilarious!! I decided before I went to the show that I would pay for another couples tickets for my gift for the day. I gave the cashier $20 and said, I'd like to pay for the next couple behind me. She was so touched and got all teary eyed and was so flustered she couldn't finish my transaction or remember what movie I was paying for for myself. She was very sweet! She said she was a teacher and it touched her to see kindness. Before I made it into the movie, the couple came up to me thanking me for the random act of kindness. He said he paid it forward to the next person behind them. LOVE THAT!
6. Pray and read scripture for your age in minutes daily.- I pray for 11 minutes in the morning and 11 minutes at night. I also listen to an audio bible for 11 minutes in the morning and 11 at night. Done
7. Drink half my weight in ounces of water.- done I have to drink 72 ounces of water. Done
8. If you are doing any of these stop. Stop flirting, having affairs, committing fornication, looking at pornography, or communicating with a person who is not your spouse. Nope
9. Wash my face before bed. This isn't part of the challenge but I made it part. I need to get back into the habit! Done
My weight is as follows-
Day 1. 146.1
2. 144.0
3. 142.3
4. 142.6
Restart day 1. 143.8
2. 144.2
3. 142.7
4. 142.3
5. 140.9
6. 140.6
7. 140.4
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